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[29 May 2005|05:19pm] |
so for a while i stopped updating because no one replies to my updates. it sucks to update and have no one care. but yeah...who cares anymore.
im studying for finals right now and it completely sucks balls. i hate finals. thank god we are seniors next year! it hasnt really hit me though. we are seniors, i feel so old. im turning 18 year this year and im scared haha its cool dont get me wrong but it just means that im getting old. :(. but i donno i think that next year is gonna be awesome. anyways...
boys are no good. they all suck. everyone around me seems to be happy and it isnt a bad thing that they are happy, its just that i wish i was happy. im not deperate, just unhappy. but other than that life sucks. it truely does. Maybe it because school sucks. and i really hate it a lot. but i donno it could be something else...who knows. but yeah thats my story about my life since i last updated...
i have to go fucking study now.
to anyone who cares...
<3 Tracy
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[26 Apr 2005|05:40pm] |
so its been a good month since i last updated. wow, haha nothing has been going on really. the whole "boy" subject is non - exsistant. which blows! everyone around me is happy and off with their boyfriend/girlfriends while i sit home watching moives all alone because no body loves me. but yeah volleyball started again...new team...new friends :). happier life. the season is over june 21st, and thats after we go to chicago, and im sooooo excited. i love chicago. but anyways i cant wait until summer. my insides are dying because of school. and just to imagaine, one more year. just to imagine one more year of hell makes me want to die. but i donno, its senior year. it should be fun...hopefully. anyways. my life is boring. and that all there is to it. and it sucks BIG TIME. mmk...i have volleyball practice now so ill update as my life gets a little more excitment into it.
<3 Tracy
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[06 Mar 2005|06:34pm] |
so life is enjoyable for me, concidering volleyball is done. but i donno what it is...i never had luck when it comes to guys. the ones that i get realllllllly excited about always seem to find a way to hurt me. thats why i dont like opening up to people really. but this boy named mike i really liked, he was easy to talk to, super cute, funny, into a lot of the same things as i am...and i told him that i liked him and he responded "i like you too..your a cool girl :). which reallllllly made me super happy, but i havent seen him since he told me that...and i tried making plans with him this weekend but he forgot to call me back. it really upset me. im sure that everyones like omg ur over reacting, but i dont really think i am. honestly i think he was just to good to be true. hes too perfect that i could've never had a chance with him...:-/ who knows tho. maybe he'll come around...and if he doesnt i donno what to do...
i dont want another broken heart.
- tracy
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[27 Feb 2005|10:19am] |
so volleyball is FINALLY over. my god. haha im free now! im so excited, but yeah anyways...my weekend pretty much sucked. friday, i went to practice from 5:45-7:45 and then i went to the movies with justin. we saw cursed..it was kinda scary! haha. so then i come home and go right to sleep because i had districts on saturday so then i wake up at like 9 in the morning and leave for school. i get there, play in ONE game out of eight and i fucking hate my coach she didnt put me in, fucking cunt. i hate that stupid bitch. i seriously have hated her this entire season and i donno, it was just stupid. luckily im not playing next year. i dont think i could stand one day with that bitch. let alone an entire season. so ive decided that im gonna get a job, and try and focus on guitar. ha, im really excited. but anyways, after districts i was supposed to go glow in the dark put puttin with mike, britney, and dusty. that never happened because britney forgot that she had sadies (its ok tho!ha) and mike had to cancel on me :(. but my aunt came over, we went to the store, got muffin mix, brownie mix, cake mix, and everything to make chocolate chip cookies. hahah yes we made them all last night...haha it was fun tho. but anyways...now its sunday and i have a lot of homework so ill update later!
<3 Tracy
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[14 Feb 2005|04:48pm] |
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[12 Feb 2005|11:54pm] |
soooo this break so far...
friday: went to practice from 3-5, took a shower got a pretty and went to inferano, haha not much of a turn out there but i got to dance with a hot boyyyy! haha then went home and fell asleep basically.
Saturday: woke up at one, showered, went to the mall at like 3...bought some hot pants, victoria's secret "secret crush" perfume, and got an app. to lucky! :). Then i came home watched 20 minutes of a movie with kailtyn, fucked around for a little bit and then went as saw assult precinct 13 with quazie. it was such a good movie :). then we went to 7-11 got a frozen coke stopped by marvins took a black and white photo strip and i took quazie home...
haha
now im here and bored, a half hour before cerfew and yeah...i hope something exciting happens over break or ill be pissed. - not that this wasnt exciting its just kinda the same stuff i do...except the whole club scene...that was new haha.
<3 Tracy - ill update later on this week....
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[04 Feb 2005|11:08pm] |
someone once told me that you find out who your true friends are your junior year, obviously the rumor has lived up to its expectations...
for groves students anyways.
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[30 Jan 2005|04:55pm] |
lets see this weekend...
friday: i had conditioning right after school for volleyball. then i went to kick boxing...which was fun but i was soooooo sore the next day haha. then i sat home because i was tired and joe came over at like...mmm 11 er something. we watched the exorcist. haha its like the 12th time ive seen it. then he left around 1 or so.
saturday: i had volleyball practice YAY for no tournament! i was soooooo happy :). then i went shopping with my mom found SOOOOOO many sales. i loved it :). hahah and then i called perry. we went out to dinner at leos, then went to cold stone in bham, played paper football with a circular lip balm container. hahah it was...interesting. then amadeus met us there, and we walked around looking for scott --couldnt find him then we went to caribou and amadeus got a coffee and we all went to erics moms house. i watched them play video games while half awake. haha. then we all went to erics dads house and watched tv. the movie me myself and irene was on. thats such a funny movie. i was again, falling asleep. hahah and then perry drove me home. Thats pretty much it...
hahaha today, went kick boxing at 11. came home, took a shower, and then cleaned my messy messy room. then i returned some cans, got some gas, wrote a thank you note, and now im here. its been a boring day but very relaxing...
thats my weekend...:)
<3 Tracy
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[26 Jan 2005|02:32pm] |
so its offical. i hate my life. i just cant seem to do anything right. i donno, maybe i should die and everyone would be happy. cuz honestly thats how everyone is making me feel. maybe not EVERYONE but i donno. i dont care anymore, ive offically given up. i "say" bitchy things that get annoying when i dont mean for them to be bitchy at all. i just get in peoples way and im seriously thinking about ending my life because i feel so shitty.
to everyone ive said "mean" or "bitchy" things to im sorry.
thats all i can say, theres not really much more. maybe i should just start off with a fresh start. new friends, new attitude. if that doesnt work then i donno i dont know what to do.
things are going downhill for me, and they are going awfully fast.
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[23 Jan 2005|01:50am] |
so i went kick boxing on friday after volleyball practice...IT WAS SOOOOO MUCH FUN. omg i have never gotten such a work out before...without wanting to quit because its boring or i get overly tired...haha. im lazy so what - but this i followed through with. YAY for me! but yeah anyways...im sore...and i have it again tomorrow at 11. so im going to bed.
---> KICK BOXING <--- the new hip thing!
haha
yeah im a dork - what are u gonna do about it?
<3 Tracy
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[13 Jan 2005|01:28pm] |
so my life is over. and i am known as the biggest bitch in the world. im not gonna explain why, because i just am. i did something BAD. something that i cant change no matter how hard i want things to be different. i hurt someone a lot, and i didnt want to. i didnt mean to and i hate myself for doing that BAD thing. im a terrible terrible stupid person. i was immature and things got out of hand. i cant believe i did what i did. i have never done anything like this before. im so stupid! how could i. i wish i could turn everything around and just stop this from happening. why did this have to happen to me why? im such a bad person and no one should like me. no one.
im so DUMB
- Tracy -
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[30 Nov 2004|08:29pm] |
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so its been a couple of days since i last updated. i have been pretty preoccupied with numerous things. Friday night i called Perry, i was with justin at the time and he wanted to chill. i met him at Syi Thia in bham along with Amadeus, Evan, Eric, and Ali..Aurther was there too but he was late. so once they finish eating, we all decided to go to Erics dad's house. So we all meet there and and they start to watch t.v. and then set up PS2 and start playing Halo2. i watched for a while but my cerfew was 12:30 so i left at like midnight. it was fun watching tho. so then saturday i wake up at like one or so and i have to go to church for my grandpas 2 year "anniversary" of his death. it was sad :(. but anyways, i was a little excited at church..i saw my third grade crush hahah i havent seen him since 3rd grade, it was cool tho. but anyways, i call Kaitlyn and we go out to eat around 6:00ish. and then we drive around and i show Kaitlyn my church and then we finally end up at starbucks. and then we call Perry. then the cranbrook boys show up except for Eric. so we are about to go to Erics dads house when Perry wants a smoothie. random, but ok...so we drive to this place on orchard lake and Sam and Ali both cut off a cop. SO we all eventually park, its raining so we all pile into Evans car. So its Evan driving, Ali shotty...Sam behind Evan Kaitlyn in the middle me behind Ali, and Amadeus riding mexican. as we all pile into evans car. the cop sees all of this and i gotta tell ya, it looks shady as fuck. hahaha we were all cracking up...it was crazy because then evan just drove around sorta and just parked in a different parking spot. we all end up getting out, getting into our cars and Evan, Ali, and Sam leave and go home. Amadeus, Perry, Kaitlyn and i still had nothing to do. Perry this whole time is in his car, on the phone with kaite and is still on the phone when everyone leaves. so i call perry and tell him to meet at Kaitlyns house because we're going to watch a movie. so Amadeus meets us at Kaitlyns house and then follows Perry, Perry unfortunately never got his smoothie. anyways we go into the basement and then watch i-robot. it was a cool movie i guess. so then after the movie, Kaitlyns uncle is playing a game on the computer and we all try to help him out because he was on level 65..that was awesome. Eventually Perry and Amadeus leave and 10 minutes after they leave i have to be home for curfew...so yeah that basically was my weekend. it was fun :). we should do it more often...hahaha
<3 Tracy!
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[27 Nov 2004|01:44am] |
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mmk so it was my birfday last tuesday. it was cool. i woke up at like 5:50 FUCKING INSANE but i had school. kaitlyn and jen suprised me when a b-day cake during 6th hour which i might add was pretty cool and yummy. then i went to a fucking volleyball thing - it was boring. so then we went out to dinner at mangolion bbq and it was yummy. we took silly pictures and visited tiffany. YAY. i havent seen her in a longgggg time :). then its wednesday FIRST DAY OF SNOW! jen and i go to the mall - i get nothing because i am broke and have no spending money. i need it for christmas shopping. so then jen spends the night and we watch movies. next day. THANKSGIVING. my family decides to make reservations at a freakin resturant thing and we have dinner at fuckin 1:00. thats damn early. so then after that i chill at home from about 3 - 7ish waitin for people to finish their dinner like normal people. so then i call jen and she said that she wanted to go to the movies i was like ok...can i bring dave b/c i promised him id do something with him before he left for college...and she said sure and then she invited kailtyn but she couldnt go. so just because my FRIEND dave was going, jen didnt want to go anymore. she said shed feel like the third wheel..and then she feels like i ditched her. i never said that she couldnt come to the movies. she chose not to and said it was my fault...thats complete BULLSHITTTTTTTTTTT. so then dave cancelled out on me and i was like well since jens mad at me ill call her to see if shes up for the movies...and shes like i dont want to be a last resort. when she wasnt...and never was.then i asked wanna go to the movies tomorrow then? and shes like i have a lot of work to do so i dont even think im gonna go to kevins, julies or the movies. so i was like ok whatever...so then i have no plans and im bored at home so my sister is about to leave. shes going to a partayy so i join in. perry then calls me at like 8:30 and i felt bad because it was kinda late and i already had plans so i told him that we would do something tomorrow...but anyways at the party,there with a shit load of people. it was sooo much fun. i saw so many people i havent seen in like a year. i was excited. but anyways we go home about 1:30a.m. and amy and i go to sleep because we're both dead tired. so i wake up this morning and call kaitlyn to see if she was gonna go to the movies with justin and me today like she said she might yesterday, but she cant go out until after dinner. so im like alright ill call u when the movies over with. so i do, but then i found out oh shes hanging out with jen...and in all honesty i love kaitlyn but i truely didnt want to hang out with her if jen was with her. im so pissed because when i talked to jen she told me that she was too busy to do anything. and that she wasnt gonna go to kevins...but ohhh thats right shes at kevins with kaitlyn and shes not busy at all...im pissed because she lied to me. and NO THIS DOES NOT MAKE ME A DRAMA QUEEN like she is. shes mad at me because she selfish and i wouldnt do anything with her for one night. i honestly think that she was jealous. she thought that i was gonna get a hook up tonight, when dave even cancelled on me. i donno tho. i asked a couple of my friends to see if i was wrong in doing what i did and they just said that i was right and that there are some selfish people in the world who get jealous of nice people like you - as in me. but i donno. maybe i am wrong. maybe i cant do anything right. maybe thats why jen always starts the fight. and notice shes the one to always end it. i really dont want to talk to her as of right now because alls she will do is make it about herself and i cant deal with that. but yeah i honestly HATE liars and i cant stand to be someones BEST FRIEND if they lie straight to my face...but i donno maybe im wrong again maybe im the one being selfish because thats what jen said to me last time we were in a fight but who knows.
i dont care who reads this...if someone doesnt like my opinion then fuck you dont read my journal if u dont like what i have to say. I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF YOU THINK IM A BITCH FOR WRITING THIS. im so sick of people thinking they can walk all over me. and if you honestly dont like this and get mad at me for saying this...then your not a true friend. i can express my feelings and this is a journal. a journal is another word for "let me vent on someone/something without their opinion attached"
fuck this
im not in a good mood
- tracy -
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[22 Nov 2004|05:37pm] |
yeah so tomorrow is my birthday, im excited! AHHHH haha. and yeah, todays the day i find out if i made the varsity volleyball team or not!...IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nervous! ekk! but yeah gorman took me out to lunch today. it was nice, he paid and all and i was like aww yay. haha yeah im a dork, but anyways its 5:40 and im finding out at like 6:15ish....so i gots to go happy birthday to me tomorrow! haha - again dork
love u all - except for the stupid ones who leave the mean comments...go get a life.
<3 Tracy
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[14 Nov 2004|09:20pm] |
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i am so ready to pack my things and leave. honest to god i havent been so...i dont know the right word so...amazing in soooooo long. this weekend i went to kzoo aka western to visit my sister and i completly loved it. omg like all my friends - ahem my sisters friends too - were there and i havent seen them in for ever and it was so amazingly awesome. we didnt party, we just hung out and it was so chill. i LOVE western and im most deffinatly WANTING to go there sooo badly now. i cant wait til the day i graduate and move there so i can be with my friends. i apparently dont have many here in bham/bloomfield...but oh well, it wont be long...
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[02 Nov 2004|08:50pm] |
so i have decided that im like an inch away from telling my mom to fuck off and i hate you. my sister told me too. one day i will...i need to work up the courage to do it because i know she'll beat the living shit outta me. this is all because she wont let me FUCKING GROW UP. last weekend on friday kaitlyn justin and i went "haunted house hopping" and my grandma is more strict than my mom and still let justin sleep over...so then my mom finds out and shes like you need to come home and make sure ur on time for cerfew. i didnt get punished for it, thank God. but thats not what made me upset...she honestly yelled at me for no reason. we werent even going to sleep in the same room and we had adult supervision there...so then saturday, its devils night and im not allowed to go out because when my mom was younger, her neighbors house was t.p.ed and egged and she was blamed for it but she could prove that they didnt do it because they were home all night. she then decided that she wants the same for me and tells me my sister had the same punishment..when i called her and told her, i quickly learned that my mom lied to me...so intested of her thinking it was going to "protect me from getting in trouble from the police" she just made me hate her even more. she just really it sheltering me from all the fun i could have had...such as parties and such. but anyways...sunday i had to work and i went to work with my costume on and my mom calls me and says i want u home by 9! when my school night cerfew is 10 so i started yelling at her and shes like dont give me shit about this again ill let it slide. so i go out and im having fun and come home and shes like go to bed so i didnt want to start shit with her so i went. so then i asked her today if gorman my good friend can drive me up to western this weekend and shes like no! and i asked her and she told me its inappropriate and she doesnt have to explain herself to me. im going to be 17 in exactly 20 days...not including today and she still treats me like im a baby. so first of all he has a girlfriend, secondly hes my sisters gooooood friend and i have known him for 4 years now...I DONT SEE THE PROBLEM...he knows my parents really well and i dont see why its inappropraite. its a FUCKING RIDE its not an over night type of thing. im couting the days down until i move out...well until i turn 18 and i dont have to respect/follow her rules anymore. 1 year and 20 days...which makes 385 days. i cant wait.
just 385 days - <3 tracy
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[02 Nov 2004|05:00pm] |
so halloween was awesome...i love candy! omg yeah i got a lotta candy from jen and kailtyn. they kept on throwing candy in my car window screaming trick or treat hahaha. anyways i was a fairy of coarse and it was fun but cold. then jen locked her keys in her own damn car. hahaha or should i say the car locked itself with the keys in it! haha it was fun. but yeah i havent done much really excpet go to school. its boring i know but ive been working out! so im excited about that. i think that i might go shopping today...so im excited. who knows tho. anyways thats basically what happened...so ill update later!
<3 tracy
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[23 Oct 2004|11:50pm] |
so yeah this weekend...for jen, her birthday wasnt so hot...so i decided to gather all her bestest friends in the whole world and have a suprise bday party and she was really supirsed. haha we made her favorite cake with her favorite frosting and i bought her, her favorite flowers and then i got a shirt from brody's saying "im a jew" on the front and on the back it said "and proud of it". its a little inside joke that we have. it was funny.
yeah so anyways im offically jealous of kailtyn. she has like THE perfect guy for her named justin. im not attracted to him but im jealous because i want someone like that. :-/. i guess you cant always get what you want...and what i want seems impossible to even attempt to get. maybe one day one guy will completely "sweep me off my feet" meaning someone can treat me right is decent looking and has A VERY ATTRACTIVE PERSONAILTY who feels the same about me...i dont think that possible.
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[21 Oct 2004|05:56pm] |
this may be the last thing that i write for long,
can you hear me smiling while i sing this song,
for you,
and only you,
as i leave will you be someone to say good-bye,
as i leave will you be someone to wipe your eye,
my foot is out the door,
you can't stop me now,
you wanted the best,
it wasnt me,
will you give it back,
Now i'll take the lead,
when there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again,
pretend you're naive,
is this what you want
Is this what you need,
how you end up let me know.
As I go,
remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch,
and I still hope,
that you will miss me when I'm gone,
This is the last song,
The hearts start breaking as the year is gone,
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on,
It seems so surreal,
now I sing it.
Somehow I knew that it would be this way,
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade.
Now i am gone,
just try and stop me now.
you wanted the best,
it wasnt me,
will you give it back,
Now i'll take the lead,
when there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again,
pretend you're naive,
is this what you want
Is this what you need,
how you end up let me know.
As i go,
remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch,
and I still hope,
that you will miss me when I'm gone,
This is the last song,
will you need me now, you'll find a way somehow
You want it too, I want it too.
[violins play]
As I go,
remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope,
that you will miss me when I'm gone,
the last song!
As I go,
remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope,
that you will miss me when I'm gone,
This is the last song...
- all american rejects - favorite song.
i love this song because a. im listening to it haha and b. this is how i feel sometimes when it comes to boys. i just love all american rejects. my other favorite song is paper heart. i saw them in concert and they were AMAZING OMG i still have yet to see a concert that can bet them. but then again they are my favorite band. even tho they arent really around and more i still love them.
<3 tracy
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